The couple sometimes knows risks that endanger it: regular conflicts, infidelity, lack of communication, decreased desire. It may be time to start therapy to make a point.
If some couples are waiting for the crisis to be in place before starting a therapy, it is also a way to deal with minor daily disagreements. In most cases, do not wait until your couple explodes to consult together.
When to start therapy?
“As for an individual therapy, it is advisable to consult as soon as you feel bad, that there are beginning to be misunderstandings, tugging and suffering. The sooner is the best to succeed in reviving the dynamics of the A couple came to see me five years after the unfaithfulness of his mate, and his partner mulled over all these years, their relationship was damaged in the long run, if they had come earlier, even if she felt more anger or of sorrow, things could have been said with less violence and resentment than today “explains Parterapeut Frederiksberg.
Should we consult even if there is no disagreement in the couple?
Yes, therapy is always beneficial to the couple. “It’s very healthy, it allows to start on a good basis and learn from the outset to communicate well, says Violaine Gelly. I thus have recently formed couples who have suffered from their previous failures and want to put all the chances on their side “.
What are the reasons to consult the most frequent ones?
“There is a strong demand for couples with intercultural problems, but also for step-families,” says Francois Allard, “I sometimes receive same-sex couples, but the issues are very different because of the reciprocal knowledge of the identical sexual nature of the family otherwise specifies the contexts of difficulty.
On the other hand, therapies are not recommended in cases of domestic violence. The violent person needs individual follow-up. I would say this is the only case where the therapy is ineffective for sure, and it may even make things worse. In cases of extramarital relationship, there is a prior need for a particular approach.
The reasons for starting a therapy are often disagreements about children, constant conflict, difficulties in communicating, a distance that settles, problems in the marriage bed.
What is the question before starting therapy?
What is the reason you consult? “This question seems simple, but it is essential,” says Violaine Gelly, “you have to think about it and prepare for it because that’s the first question the Parterapeut Frederiksberg will ask you, and he will not give you the answer. Do you need to be reassured, to say or to hear certain things? Do you really want to continue your life with two or not? ”
What role does the psychologist play in therapy?
“The cabinet is a safe and benevolent space, it comes to say things, adds Violaine Gelly.” Specifically, it says things to a third party while the other hears. We do not dare if not to approach at home, daily, face to face, for example a lack of sexual desire “. The therapist must set rules that will be the foundation of a new stability in the couple. His goal is to make the spouses talk, bring out the unspoken and resentment. He is there in a way to arbitrate the exchange.
What is the success of a therapy?
For Violaine Gelly, “if the therapy allows the couple to update the contract of life for two, it also happens that it seals the end.” It is not necessary to revive the couple by any means. Thus, a therapy can be successful and end in a separation. “The important thing is to understand what is at stake and especially the responsibility of each,” says Violaine Gelly, “the decision must be made on both sides and even if the couple separates, the therapy will have at least to leave without resentment “.
What are the attitudes to avoid?
“Empathy and compassion are indispensable,” says Francois Allard, “Do not wait until things go very badly and come to consult too late after having really damaged your couple.” Therapy is often seen as the last chance for couple who could aggravate the problems by thinking to solve them. The intimate relations are probably where we are most sensitive and where our behaviors have an impact (verbal for example) very strong Attention also, not to lie or try to hide things from the psychiatrist, like an infidelity. This will only work if both parties play the card of sincerity. Repair his couple is to become authentic in the interactions with the other, being turned towards him or her rather than oppose, appreciate its differences without fear of conflict and remember that a couple is based on the interest of positive exchanges “.
To heal the couple and write a new page in their story, the partners must be both volunteers. This is the main obstacle to therapy. Francois Allard warns “there is often one of the two partners who is less motivated to come than the other, but the therapy will fail if one of them totally refuses to play the game, including listening.”